Dog is Dead tour

Morning All.

We’ve spent the Bank Holiday weekend recovering from our exploits on our recent tour with Dog is Dead. We had a fantastic stint with them and would like to thank them for having us. Thanks also go to Alice for her splendid tour management, parents and friends who loaned us beds and food and Demitirius at Coventry Kasbah for his Greek feast and accompanying crepes which were the best thing Jon’s ever eaten. That sentence was too long.

Here’s what it looked like…

For the unacquainted, that there is Dog is Dead.

I have worked Apple’s highly advanced Preview programme to the fullest to visually illustrate our epic journey.

Here we intimidate Dog is Dead with our footballing prowess. Ian can do headers.

Ralph found this in a beer garden. Can you tell he’s a fan?

Jon takes geek chic to its logical conclusion.

Ralph and Rob trade stories of whiskey, wine and wild women.

Ben’s Bar, complete with its landlord modelling the world’s smallest can of Coke.

The people of Wales smash those stereotypes in Cardiff.

Ralph was given a face-making kit by some of our excellent Welsh fans. He can now make a face in ANY place he likes!

The new genre of Mobilecore is spawned by pure chance when Ian accidentally accompanies Ben’s phone call.  

If you fill in the gaps between crowd, eat, palm and hand you’ll have some idea of how good Dog is Dead were.

Ironing out the flaws in my pedal setup.

The concept of mimicry was lost on the Rock City crowd. 

Amid a sea of green, the front three stand and deliver.

Ben outdoes Ian’s standing-on-the-speakers manoeuvre by pulling off the first ever TKAK stage dive and crowd surf. Stunning.

The traditional end of tour scrum minus me (I was on a train to London at this point…)

Next up for us is the Great Escape Festival in Brighton in two weekends time. We’ll be playing at Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar on Friday 17th and then at the Dome with Bastille the next day. If you’re lucky enough to have a ticket (they’re both sold out) then we’ll see you there!

Adios amigos.

^JP

Dog is Dead tour vs To Kill A King’s Highland Games

Good day!

As a band we have been fairly lucky with all things van hire, save from the occasional leg room issue (not for me though, I’m dead short). We hope that our current tour with Dog is Dead is breakdown-free, but if it is we’re well prepared, as I will explain after this poster -

^^^ (click it for a ticket) ^^^

On our UK tour just gone we experienced our first van breakdown en route to Glasgow, which was the result of a leaking water pipe. Ralph, the dad of the band, and Alice, our Tour Manager, stayed with the stricken Splitter and awaited the arrival of some superheroes dressed in high viz jackets.

To kill time, Ian, Jon, Ben and I scaled the steep ascent of the motorway embankment and hopped over a flimsy fence to bestride a great plateau, one filled with tree saplings being weaned inside plastic tubes, a dirt road, boulders, scree (aka stones) and not much else. Our inner boy scouts took hold, birthing the TKAK Highland Games and the first motorway breakdown I’ve enjoyed rather than endured. For any geographical sticklers out there, yes, I know we were in the Lowlands being but 20 miles from Glasgow, but ‘Lowland Games’ sounds terrible, so there. Here’s how they went…

Event No. 1 - Scree Lumping

Select your sapling tube from the vast array. Arm yourself with plenty of scree. Attempt to get your scree lumps into the tube from the other side of the dirt track. Overarm and underarm both permitted:

The sapling cowered with only its plastic shield to protect it from the imminent onslaught.

The competitors, competing competitively.

As Willoughby launches another jagged missle, Platman scrambles for scree.

A potential streaker is put off from fear of bruises.

Willoughby reigned supreme as the Sultan of Scree with a 0.000000000000000000015% success rate.

The aftermath, a metaphor for life as a series of near misses.

Event No. 2 - Unravelling a javelin and see how far it’s travelling

Select a long, think stick. Run with it. Throw it.

Platman gees up the swelling crowds…

before his assault on the runway.

Flawless technique.

Willoughby heads for his mark…

before unleashing a new world record throw of 34,567,890 metres.

Event No. 3 - Scree and stick race

This is a recession-friendly egg and spoon race. Find some scree and a stick. Place scree on stick. Run as far as possible with scree and stick still touching.

Dudfield’s equipment passed the stringent quality controls…

but following his disqualification for doping, only Platman and Willoughby were eligible to compete.

Platman realises that the curvature of ‘stick’ could seriously undermine his ambitions.

Event No. 4 - Screeball

Glaswegian baseball using scree and a stick. Brutal.

Platman steps out to unleash yet another home run.

Event No. 5 - Tree climbing

Find a tree, climb it. Highest man wins.

These boots are made for climbing and that’s just what they’ll do.

Event No. 6 - Boulder jumping

Find a boulder. Climb it. Leap off. Points are awarded for style of dismount.

Dudfield’s sturdy footwear cam into their own in his ascent of the boulder.

Dudfield whips up the crowd into a frenzy by modelling this season’s hottest trend, the crop top.

An unusually timid dismount sees Dudfield post a poor score.

Event No. 7 - Boulder Breaking

Find a stick. Run towards a bolder screaming in the style of Braveheart. Attempt to break the boulder with the stick. Run away screaming when the boulder wins.

The boulder stands firm in the wake of Willoughby’s intimidating frame.

The impact sent tremors throughout the Lowlands.

Fearing retaliation, Willoughby makes for the safety of the trees.

Our heptathlon of sorts left us drained but exhilirated. It was not for the feint-hearted and we’d advise amateurs like Jessica Ennis to stay well clear of these rugged pursuits.

Next time you break down why not try and concoct your own micro Olympics?

Bye for now!

^JP

UK TOUR

Hello.

As you’re probably aware we recently jumped in a van and played a handful of shows on our latest UK tour. This included a sold-out show at London’s Scala where we finally felt like we’d arrived as a band (the whole front row knew every word, that was major), even though we know there’s a long way to go yet!

Here’s what it looked like…

Bin Jackson (sorry)

The aftermath!

The AA save the day!

The whole touring gang, including the splendid Spring Offensive, the excellent Alice James (Tour Manager extraordinaire) and Paul Cooper (expert knob nudger and fader fondler AKA our sound man).

Thanks go out to all of the above and all of you who bought a ticket and came to a show.

We’re off with Dog is Dead next week which will be a tonne more fun.

See you there!

^JP

TKAK w/ Bastille

Good afternoon.

Last month we went on the road with a little-known band by the name of Bastille. We took in the second half of their UK tour and were surprised to discover that so many people had heard of them that they’d sold the whole thing out! This was fantastic for us as we were able to play in bigger venues than usual (including Shepherds Bush Empire and Rock City) and acquire a dozen or so new fans. We’d like to thank Bastille for having us alongside them and wish them all the best as their relentless global takeover continues!

The crowd at Rock City were passionate about triangles.

This counts as art in Cardiff. I’m serious.

In Oxford, some restaurateurs have taken population control into their own hands.

This guy…

built this bridge in Bristol. His middle name was ‘Kingdom’, which explains why it’s so immense.

This pub doesn’t mess about.

Otto the two-legged Octopus pulled no punches.

Ian was certain that riding a plastic lion improved the taste of his pint.

I can highly recommend this.

Gigs were a daily occurrence.

Bastille joined us for ‘Choices’ each night which was always a treat.

Stage fright overwhelms Ian at Shepherds Bush.

Ben gets some rest to regain his zest.

You’ll have to ask Ralph what was happening here!

Shepherds Bush Empire were feeling the recession bite into their security budget.

Ralph and Dan play a game of tag live on stage. Honours even.

Keep your eyes here, plenty more to come…

^JP

‘Funeral’ video now live!

Morning all.

Below is the video for our next single, ‘Funeral’. Enjoy the beautiful seaside town of Hunstanton in all its glory, alongside our music and antics.

But that’s not all! As an added extra we’ve got some shots from the shoot for you which illustrate the more humorous/mundane aspects of filming a music video.

Bertie the Bear psyches himself up for the challenges ahead.

Luckily, this £40,000 camera is not as colour blind as its name suggests.

With a weekend of deadpan ahead of him, Ralph gets his full range of facial expressions out of the way.

Ralph should’ve made more friends. They’re not hanging at his funeral.

In case anyone forgot the song title, here was a floral reminder.

Our hens start their party with some unusually low-key beverages.

Bertie enjoys a free ride from director Jack King.

The hen party suffers its first casualty before sunset…

…but like the legendary lasses they are they carry on regardless!

‘Get your coat love, you’ve pulled.’

Ralph takes his revenge after being pushed around all weekend…

…whilst Bertie hits the bottle to cope with the demands of the shoot.

Ralph and his Pa share a heart to heart in the fine Hunstanton sunshine.

Some over-the-hill musicians of today meet the Oscar winners of tomorrow.

Welcome to the house of fun!

With Jon exuding menace from every pore it was no wonder that a local thought he worked at the arcade.

With the pressure getting too much, Bertie attempts to escape.

Creepy or inviting? You decide.

Bertie seeks solace in the arms of a dead man. He fails.

It’s like the last day of primary school, only on a beach, with a painted face and ballons. Pretty standard really.

Back at base camp, Bertie receives treatment for his injuries.

On-set man of steel Duncan cradles the beastly camera.

The sun sets at the end of the shoot…

…as Bertie, now all patched up, seeks a sugared snack for sustenance on the long ride home.

We’d like to thank all involved their hard work, it was a real pleasure!

Please enjoy the video and share it around.

Buy our album!

See you on tour!

Thank you all.

^JP

CANNIBALS WITH CUTLERY OUT NOW ! ! !

Good evening!

If it seems like I’ve been banging on about it for months, you’d be right because I have. This time though, things are a little different…

CANNIBALS WITH CUTLERY IS OFFICIALLY OUT NOW!

Because we’re so tech-savvy, you can buy, download or stream it. Oh the tyranny of choice!

And if you were too slow or unwilling to snap up a signed pre-order then you needn’t delay any longer. Go go go!

We hope you enjoy the album. If you do you can come and see us play large chunks of it live on a stage at the following venues -

To get a ticket click HERE.

Thanks very much, we really couldn’t have done it without you!

^JP

Confessions of a Postman

This week I have spent so much of my time on postage-related pursuits that I’ve felt a lot like this guy, only with a smaller nose.

Aside from addressing, wrapping, packing and stamping hundreds of envelopes full of our debut album, I’ve had three memorable posting sessions that I’d like to share with you. I’ve not flexed my writing muscles in while so there’s your warning. All names have been changed.

1. Tuesday 19^th February – Marvellous Mandy

 For those of you who haven’t heard of Beckenham through the Streets song Who Got The Funk (first album, track 10, 1 minute 17 seconds), it’s a sleepy London suburb inhabited by ex boxer Nigel Benn, middle class Conservative voters and me. It also has a fantastic post office. On Tuesday I spent an hour with Mandy and took her on a worldwide tour in an attempt to make the whole ordeal of sending our international orders more bearable. Mandy was a wonderfully friendly woman of advancing years and had got to the point in a woman’s life where the odd sprouting of chin hair is acceptable. She was also in dire need of a holiday. Whenever I asked her where she’d like to go next (with the parcels) she replied ‘somewhere hot!’ with wild, almost child-like enthusiasm. I ratcheted up the tension, each destination more exotic than the last. She loved the drama of it all, which I heightened by using the accents native to the people of each destination, and by the time we’d reached Brazil, our final destination, she was in a state of ecstasy. With a three figure bill and a receipt as long as my arm I left Mandy to her lunch break, which she probably spent at Thomas Cook on the high street.

2. Thursday 21^st February -Toothy Dave

After an increase in foreign sales another trip to Beckenham Post Office was due. This time I was served without chitchat by a man I shall call Toothy Dave*. Dave was a man from a time before childhood orthodontics were commonplace, a time when braces held up your trousers or your weakened legs, instead of making your mouth look like an orgy of miniature iron men. Having had a brace as a youth I felt his pain, although I never had quite the tusks that Dave possessed.

That being said, Dave was well mannered, efficient and made up for his wild fangs with a set of immaculately trimmed fingernails. If he ever wants a career change then he’ll be playing vampires for the rest of his days. Thanks Dave, I salute you!

3. Friday 22^nd February – Post Box Foie Gras and rugged Ray 

Today I set about choking three local post boxes with all of our UK pre-orders. It was a mighty feat, aided by a large plastic bag and a wheeled suitcase as I swelled the sacks (not like that) of the local sorters in time for their weekend shift.

At post box number one on Copers Cope Road I met a chap named Ray who was a cross between Peter Stringfellow and the Hitcher from the Mighty Boosh. Here is a pictorial sum with the result drawn by me (sorry I wasn’t awake enough to ask for a photo).

+

=

He mentioned that I could probably have got a deal on such a large amount of mail. I agreed and gave him our band card when he discovered what I was posting. He’ll be Youtubing us tonight apparently.

At one point disaster struck when I found this amongst the parcels –

Having addressed hundreds of envelopes over the past couple of weeks it was inevitable that a fallible human being such as myself would make an error. If your album doesn’t arrive by this time next week then please let us know and I will write your name on the envelope as I intended. My apologies to whoever you turn out to be.

That’s almost it from me. I would just like to end by thanking you all for giving a self-employed (read under-worked) musician something to fill his hours with and bringing some meaning to his life by buying our music. We truly appreciate it.

Have a grand weekend listening to the albums when they arrive!

^JP

Posting pre-orders abroad

To all our non UK readers,

Yesterday I spent an hour sending pre ordered albums all over the world. I sent parcels to Germany, Spain, USA, Canada, Norway, Denmark, Australia, New Zealand, Finland, Poland, Austria, Switzerland, Netherlands, France, Italy, Malaysia and Brazil. Royal Mail are sweating!

They went out first class so should be with you soon, although it’s a long way for some of you so please be patient. I’m sending some more off tomorrow, but in the meantime here’s the proof (that long receipt is you guys, next to a regular-sized one).

Thanks very much for your support! We hope to tour the world one day and play in your own back yard, but until then keep enjoying what we do.

All the best,

Josh (To Kill A King bassist / postman) x

Stream ‘Cannibals with Cutlery’ immediately!

Hello All.

As the title suggests, you can get your ears around our debut album RIGHT NOW before it’s released! That’s right folks, we’re streaming Cannibals with Cutlery to you early because we’re so keen on you hearing it up front and in full, and because we’re impatient/over excited/pushy parents of the future.

I present to you our debut album!

Click here to be taken directly to our Soundcloud page to leave comments and hear our other sounds…

You can still pre-order the album in digital and physical states of matter - iTunes will do you the former whereas we’ll do you the latter through our very own online store (click the pic) -

Go on, I dare you to buy several copies and tell everyone you know all about it… We hope you enjoy listening to it as much as we did writing and recording it. We really appreciate your support so thank you for everything.

See you on tour!

^JP

Our band name misheard 3/3

Here’s the most common mishearing of our name, and what we’ll definitely call ourselves for our tour to Mexico in 2015 - 

I’ve got another one in the pipeline for next week so keep an eye out…

Have yourselves a smashing weekend. We’ll be shooting a video on the north Norfolk coast. Any ideas on which song it could be for?

^JP