Our first single. Contains an acoustic cover of "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Video directed by Jack King.

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Mar 14 2013
6 notes

'Funeral' video now live!

Morning all.

Below is the video for our next single, ‘Funeral’. Enjoy the beautiful seaside town of Hunstanton in all its glory, alongside our music and antics.

But that’s not all! As an added extra we’ve got some shots from the shoot for you which illustrate the more humorous/mundane aspects of filming a music video.

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Bertie the Bear psyches himself up for the challenges ahead.

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Luckily, this £40,000 camera is not as colour blind as its name suggests.

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With a weekend of deadpan ahead of him, Ralph gets his full range of facial expressions out of the way.

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Ralph should’ve made more friends. They’re not hanging at his funeral.

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In case anyone forgot the song title, here was a floral reminder.

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Our hens start their party with some unusually low-key beverages.

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Bertie enjoys a free ride from director Jack King.

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The hen party suffers its first casualty before sunset…

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…but like the legendary lasses they are they carry on regardless!

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'Get your coat love, you've pulled.'

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Ralph takes his revenge after being pushed around all weekend…

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…whilst Bertie hits the bottle to cope with the demands of the shoot.

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Ralph and his Pa share a heart to heart in the fine Hunstanton sunshine.

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Some over-the-hill musicians of today meet the Oscar winners of tomorrow.

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Welcome to the house of fun!

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With Jon exuding menace from every pore it was no wonder that a local thought he worked at the arcade.

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With the pressure getting too much, Bertie attempts to escape.

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Creepy or inviting? You decide.

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Bertie seeks solace in the arms of a dead man. He fails.

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It’s like the last day of primary school, only on a beach, with a painted face and ballons. Pretty standard really.

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Back at base camp, Bertie receives treatment for his injuries.

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On-set man of steel Duncan cradles the beastly camera.

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The sun sets at the end of the shoot…

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…as Bertie, now all patched up, seeks a sugared snack for sustenance on the long ride home.

We’d like to thank all involved their hard work, it was a real pleasure!

Please enjoy the video and share it around.

Buy our album!

See you on tour!

 

Thank you all.

^JP


Feb 26 2013
8 notes

CANNIBALS WITH CUTLERY OUT NOW ! ! !

Good evening!

If it seems like I’ve been banging on about it for months, you’d be right because I have. This time though, things are a little different…

CANNIBALS WITH CUTLERY IS OFFICIALLY OUT NOW!

Because we’re so tech-savvy, you can buy, download or stream it. Oh the tyranny of choice!

And if you were too slow or unwilling to snap up a signed pre-order then you needn’t delay any longer. Go go go!

We hope you enjoy the album. If you do you can come and see us play large chunks of it live on a stage at the following venues -

To get a ticket click HERE.

Thanks very much, we really couldn’t have done it without you!

 

^JP


Feb 22 2013
9 notes

Confessions of a Postman

This week I have spent so much of my time on postage-related pursuits that I’ve felt a lot like this guy, only with a smaller nose.

Aside from addressing, wrapping, packing and stamping hundreds of envelopes full of our debut album, I’ve had three memorable posting sessions that I’d like to share with you. I’ve not flexed my writing muscles in while so there’s your warning. All names have been changed.

1. Tuesday 19th February – Marvellous Mandy

 For those of you who haven’t heard of Beckenham through the Streets song Who Got The Funk (first album, track 10, 1 minute 17 seconds), it’s a sleepy London suburb inhabited by ex boxer Nigel Benn, middle class Conservative voters and me. It also has a fantastic post office. On Tuesday I spent an hour with Mandy and took her on a worldwide tour in an attempt to make the whole ordeal of sending our international orders more bearable. Mandy was a wonderfully friendly woman of advancing years and had got to the point in a woman’s life where the odd sprouting of chin hair is acceptable. She was also in dire need of a holiday. Whenever I asked her where she’d like to go next (with the parcels) she replied ‘somewhere hot!’ with wild, almost child-like enthusiasm. I ratcheted up the tension, each destination more exotic than the last. She loved the drama of it all, which I heightened by using the accents native to the people of each destination, and by the time we’d reached Brazil, our final destination, she was in a state of ecstasy. With a three figure bill and a receipt as long as my arm I left Mandy to her lunch break, which she probably spent at Thomas Cook on the high street.

 

2. Thursday 21st February -Toothy Dave

After an increase in foreign sales another trip to Beckenham Post Office was due. This time I was served without chitchat by a man I shall call Toothy Dave*. Dave was a man from a time before childhood orthodontics were commonplace, a time when braces held up your trousers or your weakened legs, instead of making your mouth look like an orgy of miniature iron men. Having had a brace as a youth I felt his pain, although I never had quite the tusks that Dave possessed.

 

That being said, Dave was well mannered, efficient and made up for his wild fangs with a set of immaculately trimmed fingernails. If he ever wants a career change then he’ll be playing vampires for the rest of his days. Thanks Dave, I salute you!

3. Friday 22nd February – Post Box Foie Gras and rugged Ray 

Today I set about choking three local post boxes with all of our UK pre-orders. It was a mighty feat, aided by a large plastic bag and a wheeled suitcase as I swelled the sacks (not like that) of the local sorters in time for their weekend shift.

At post box number one on Copers Cope Road I met a chap named Ray who was a cross between Peter Stringfellow and the Hitcher from the Mighty Boosh. Here is a pictorial sum with the result drawn by me (sorry I wasn’t awake enough to ask for a photo).

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He mentioned that I could probably have got a deal on such a large amount of mail. I agreed and gave him our band card when he discovered what I was posting. He’ll be Youtubing us tonight apparently.

At one point disaster struck when I found this amongst the parcels –

Having addressed hundreds of envelopes over the past couple of weeks it was inevitable that a fallible human being such as myself would make an error. If your album doesn’t arrive by this time next week then please let us know and I will write your name on the envelope as I intended. My apologies to whoever you turn out to be.

That’s almost it from me. I would just like to end by thanking you all for giving a self-employed (read under-worked) musician something to fill his hours with and bringing some meaning to his life by buying our music. We truly appreciate it.

 

Have a grand weekend listening to the albums when they arrive!

^JP


Feb 20 2013
4 notes

Posting pre-orders abroad

To all our non UK readers,

Yesterday I spent an hour sending pre ordered albums all over the world. I sent parcels to Germany, Spain, USA, Canada, Norway, Denmark, Australia, New Zealand, Finland, Poland, Austria, Switzerland, Netherlands, France, Italy, Malaysia and Brazil. Royal Mail are sweating!

 

They went out first class so should be with you soon, although it’s a long way for some of you so please be patient. I’m sending some more off tomorrow, but in the meantime here’s the proof (that long receipt is you guys, next to a regular-sized one).

 

Thanks very much for your support! We hope to tour the world one day and play in your own back yard, but until then keep enjoying what we do.

All the best,

Josh (To Kill A King bassist / postman) x


Feb 19 2013
12 notes

Stream ‘Cannibals with Cutlery’ immediately!

Hello All.

As the title suggests, you can get your ears around our debut album RIGHT NOW before it’s released! That’s right folks, we’re streaming Cannibals with Cutlery to you early because we’re so keen on you hearing it up front and in full, and because we’re impatient/over excited/pushy parents of the future.

I present to you our debut album!

Click here to be taken directly to our Soundcloud page to leave comments and hear our other sounds…

You can still pre-order the album in digital and physical states of matter - iTunes will do you the former whereas we’ll do you the latter through our very own online store (click the pic) -

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Go on, I dare you to buy several copies and tell everyone you know all about it… We hope you enjoy listening to it as much as we did writing and recording it. We really appreciate your support so thank you for everything.

See you on tour!

^JP


Feb 15 2013
18 notes

Our band name misheard 3/3

Here’s the most common mishearing of our name, and what we’ll definitely call ourselves for our tour to Mexico in 2015 - 

I’ve got another one in the pipeline for next week so keep an eye out…

Have yourselves a smashing weekend. We’ll be shooting a video on the north Norfolk coast. Any ideas on which song it could be for?

^JP


Feb 14 2013
15 notes

Our band name misheard 2/3

Here’s the next one, drawn again by me.

Happy Valentines Day, if you’re into that.

Final one tomorrow!

^JP


Feb 13 2013
22 notes

Our band name misheard 1 / 3

People often get our name totally wrong, usually with interesting results. As I’ve got too much time on my hands I’ve illustrated the three most common errors. 

Here’s the first (in reverse order) - 

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 More to follow tomorrow and Friday…

^JP


Jan 30 2013
3 notes

Cannibals with Cutlery tour 2013

Good afternoon.

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We’d love to see you make an appearance in the same buildings as us when we go on the road in April for our Cannibals with Cutlery tour.

For tickets click the poster.

See you on tour!

^JP


Jan 29 2013
6 notes

New look store / desperate plea for your cash

Good afternoon folks.

THIS IS A SHAMELESS MARKETING PLUG.

That’s the awkward bit over, now get your wallets out.

As well as singing and playing songs we are also pedlars of all manner of products. You may know this already, but for those who don’t there’s only one place on the whole wide web that you can swap your money for our goods. That website is the following -

www.tokillaking.bigcartel.com.

I’ve given the whole thing a revamp of late so it’s looking fresh and ready for your rabid clicking. It features our latest model of the month -

and is STILL the only place you can buy a physical copy of THIS -

Do the right thing.

Thanks.

^JP


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